Dear Tiffany

” The struggles along the way are only meant to shape you for your purpose.”

Chadwick Boseman- R.I.P to our Black Panther! Wakanda Forever
R.I.P to our Black Panther!

What do you do when you no longer are happy, and no longer live for yourself? What do you do when the only thing that keeps you going in life is helping other’s or seeing your family happy? That’s how I feel. I literally am dependent on my nieces, and siblings being happy. Knowing that they are happy makes me want to continue to live. Me being able to help people gives me the strength to get up and live every day. Your neglecting yourself, your happiness, and most importantly your mental health when you do that, that includes me. I ran across a post on Facebook that summed these feelings up for you. This post on Facebook stated, “the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they wouldn’t ever want anyone to feel the way they feel.” Powerful statement if you just sit and think about it. By coincidence two minutes later one of my Facebook friends asked a question on her page. Tiffany stated, “How can someone so broken inside be everyone’s rock?” It’s a simple yet so complex question. After reading that I did what I do best. I wrote a letter. So, here it goes.

Dear Tiffany,

Your trying to be everyone’s rock because of your own personal trials and tribulations. Your trying to be there for everyone else because you have such a big heart and you don’t want to see anyone else go through that exact same thing. In that process you are allowing yourself to be stretched thin. Your so busy trying to prevent everyone else from being hurt your allowing yourself not to be able to heal because your focus is solely on preventing other’s from feeling like you or living like you currently are. Don’t worry you aren’t the only person that is guilty of this. I am also. There are plenty of people that put that mask on and add a cape to save everyone around them but let themselves suffer. That’s me, and I bet that’s you also. I have the biggest heart for other people but when it comes to trying to heal myself there is a roadblock because I honestly just want to see everyone else happy and living their best life. In conjunction to doing that we also need to be selfish and heal ourselves first. This journey is going to have to be personal, but it is going to be the most blessed and rewarding journey. You must make this journey a personal one. When I say personal, I mean it’s time for you to say no, and mean it. I express to people all the time how I am in a season of “NO”. That doesn’t mean you have to say no to everything and anybody but just simply cutback on always saying yes to everything and anybody. I always said yes but then I had to think about all the “yes’s” I was giving out but all the, “no’s” I was getting back in return. Let that sink in for a moment. We break our backs for people that would not do the same for us. It’s not easy and there are going to be bad days. Those bad days are going to be your testimony. In order to have a testimony, there will be test, trials, and tribulations. We have to keep going. That’s a problem that I’m guilty of I get inpatient and frustrated because I just feel like growth goes slow. It’s not in our timing. It’s in God’s timing. He may not come when you want him, but he is always on time. Believe it and receive it. There is going to come a time where you are going to have to put yourself first. Even, if you have to wake up everyday and just simply say, “Destany comes first, I choose me.” I AM ENOUGH, AND YOU ARE ENOUGH ALSO. We have an obligation to heal ourselves first and foremost. We can’t continue to disregard ourselves or our feelings.

So, Tiffany hold your head up. I want you to know you are not alone. It’s ok to go through things. It’s Ok not to be ok. I will continue to say that because so often we hide behind our trials instead of using them. Embrace your pain. Use it to tell your story. Use it to help someone else. You got this. You are enough!

We have an obligation to heal ourselves. Yes, we can seek help, but the decision is ultimately ours. I heard it put this way, “your wound is not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility.” This goes back to our last post about getting to the root of the problem. Whatever that wound is that’s still open and preventing you from moving forward let’s work on letting that go. Have we not forgiven our offenders? Are we still stuck in the past? We need to evaluate our own situations because we are just as important as the individuals we are trying to help. The very one’s that you are risking your own healing for. I know your probably wondering how in the world does this tie into Mental Health. Think about it, anxiety is the most common diagnosis for Mental Illness. This is a prime example of how your anxiety can be affected. You are thinking about the past, future, and current problems all at the same time. That’s enough to drive anyone up the wall. So, remember you are enough, and you are right where God wants you to be whether good or bad.